Sometimes we get so caught up in what other people are doing and focusing on what the ‘norm’ is, that we often lose track of ourselves. Have you ever done something that you thought you wanted to do, simply because everyone else was doing it? Have you ever second guessed yourself, but convinced yourself otherwise because it is just normal or fun? I know I have; so many times. I am different, and I have to accept that. I don’t fit in or belong in regular groups of people, I’m socially awkward and bad at making new friends. I don’t find going out to party on weekends ‘fun’, and I don’t spend hours in the morning getting ready to look pretty for school.
I like reading in my bed with a lamp on. I like spending my Friday nights watching a movie or writing. I like peace and quiet. I like hanging out with friends, but in the most personal and intimate way. When I say that, I mean I don’t like hanging out in big crowds all just sitting there or doing something loud and energetic. I prefer having long deep discussions with people. I like watching movies or painting nails, with 1 or 2 individuals. And a lot of the things that most people my age do, simply does not appeal to me.
I think we try so hard to fit in not only to seem normal, but to be accepted by our peers. I often find myself battling do something, but then having to face my friends with that decision. Will they judge me for not wanting to go out with them? Will they try to convince me to go until I cave? “Yeah, you’re right, what was I thinking staying in on a Friday?” And I think it’s hard for them to understand that those things that they do, just don’t appeal to me. Them asking me to go out and drink at a party is like asking them to sacrifice their Saturday night to stay in and read with me. You have to put things into perspective.
And for the longest time, I’ve tried to convince myself that I do like those things. That rather than going home from school one weekend, I should stay at University and do these things because they’re “fun” and I’ll be “missing out” if I go home.
But it just dawned on me that that’s not the person I am. I don’t find those things fun or appealing, and I am truly not happy or entertained while doing so. I convince myself that if I don’t go out and participate in these activities, that I’ll be missing out, when truly it is my own life that I am missing out on when I do go out to these things.
I am in my happiest state when I am in my own solitude. Some people may find that strange, but I have nothing to prove to them. I am human and humans are all different. Some people like partying and some people like reading, and that’s 100% okay. We are not meant to be the same. But we can’t force each other to do things we don’t like; we have to accept them. And we can’t force ourselves or try to convince ourselves to do what the mainstream group does just in order to fit in or belong. We must go home if that is what we want. We must stand tall and be strong individuals. We must truly be ourselves; because in the end, if we don’t have that, then what do we have?